"BEING HEARD"

I never really felt I was heard, no one seemed to listen. I was in a group one time some years back. Someone said to me, "Why do you always sit on the floor and in the corner?" I said, "I don't know, I just feel more comfortable." Then I was asked, "What happened when you were home with the whole group growing up?" I had to think about it. I realized that I did not want to raise my voice, and so I just shut up and was quiet. I realized I was not going to compete with the noise, with so many speaking at the same time. Those that needed to be heard would talk louder and louder. I did not want to have to work to compete with the noise. I was told, I learned to survive by keeping quiet, and I think that was the case.

If I did speak, no one seemed to recognize that what I said was important, so why talk? I learned to be quiet. In school, (I was told years later), I was considered, "Sweet little Janet". At home I felt like a neusance, and only a worker. I was told that too! When I had my school, I was listened to because then I was the person that had the information and needed to pass it on to my staff and parents.

Today, I am still quiet in large groups. I do not enjoy being in large groups, it is stressful. I enjoy a one on one or a small group of 6 or so people that are considerate and listen to each person and draws each other out.

Some years ago there was a show on TV with Marlo Thomas as one of the actors. She and Donald went to a party. It was a large party. They were not even noticed. She suggested they should mingle and talk to everyone. There was small groups chatting and laughing, so she went up to a few groups and no one noticed her. She then decided to see if it mattered that she was there, so she started to say, "Mingle, Mingle", "Mingle Mingle", and sure enough no one noticed she was there. That is what I feel like in large groups. I guess the reason I enjoyed Square Dancing was that, everyone gets a chance to mingle and feel important. It did help that I was fairly proficient and not too bad looking either, but for the most part everyone got to dance most of the time.

Everyone wants to be heard and feel a part of the group. Without co-mingling, one feels like they do not matter. I have learned to stick to small groups and I feel very comfortable, even though I can feel lost there too! I don't have to work so hard to be heard. I listen mostly, but once in awhile I do have things that are important to say. That is why phone calls work for many of us, we are talking on a one to one basis. Someone listens and someone talks.Years ago, I took a heart to a group. The purpose was that the person holding the heart did the talking, everyone else listened. I don't think the idea was well accepted.

God does not need me to be in large groups, he just wants me to talk to each person I meet. To make each person feel important and then I feel I make a difference. We each have our job in this world. God sent the apostles off from their home territories, he knew they would not be heard with those that knew their old habits, old mistakes/faults. They would not be judged, but heard.